People think stressful conversations in the workplace are inevitable. And they are. But that doesn’t mean they can’t be resolved well.
On the whole we try to avoid these conversations as often as possible, yet for a manager or leader there may be no other option. Whether it’s about performance, workplace conflict, or discussing personal issues, being able to address these topics is integral to supporting employees.
On the whole we try to avoid these conversations as often as possible, yet for a manager or leader there may be no other option. Whether it’s about performance, workplace conflict, or discussing personal issues, being able to address these topics is integral to supporting employees.
Take a meeting between Charlotte and Thea. Charlotte has been working for the company part time for four years. Thea has recently taken over the company. Charlotte arranges a meeting to discuss a future project; however when she arrives at the meeting, Thea initiates a stressful conversation regarding another colleague, one whom Charlotte is on good terms with and has worked alongside for two years.
The conversation leads to a monologue by Thea, who uses the moment to inform Charlotte of her colleagues' grievances. During the meeting Charlotte is visibly upset, and the meeting ends with Thea telling her to go home, lick her wounds and be back tomorrow.
The end result is that Charlotte loses trust in both her colleague and new boss - and when the time comes to renew her contract, Charlotte resigns and takes her experiences with her.
This scenario is not unusual or unfamiliar; Thea thinks she’s handled the subject well by staying to the point with no mollycoddling, whereas Charlotte feels blindsided, embarrassed and angry.
For both a manager and employee dealing with stressful conversations can make or break a work relationship. For most companies, having employees that feel valued even when in a difficult conversation builds trust, loyalty and respect. So how then, does one approach these conversations from both perspectives?
The conversation leads to a monologue by Thea, who uses the moment to inform Charlotte of her colleagues' grievances. During the meeting Charlotte is visibly upset, and the meeting ends with Thea telling her to go home, lick her wounds and be back tomorrow.
The end result is that Charlotte loses trust in both her colleague and new boss - and when the time comes to renew her contract, Charlotte resigns and takes her experiences with her.
This scenario is not unusual or unfamiliar; Thea thinks she’s handled the subject well by staying to the point with no mollycoddling, whereas Charlotte feels blindsided, embarrassed and angry.
For both a manager and employee dealing with stressful conversations can make or break a work relationship. For most companies, having employees that feel valued even when in a difficult conversation builds trust, loyalty and respect. So how then, does one approach these conversations from both perspectives?
How to plan for a stressful conversation
For both a manager and employee dealing with stressful conversations can make or break a work relationship. For most companies, having employees that feel valued even when in a difficult conversation builds trust, loyalty and respect. So how then, does one approach these conversations from both perspectives?
For both a manager and employee dealing with stressful conversations can make or break a work relationship. For most companies, having employees that feel valued even when in a difficult conversation builds trust, loyalty and respect. So how then, does one approach these conversations from both perspectives?
1. Have realistic goals
You can’t eliminate stress, but you can reduce it by setting realistic goals about what is wanted out of the meeting. Ask for a one-on-one conversation and give the other person advanced warning over the areas to be discussed. This allows them to prepare whilst also providing clear expectations for the meeting.
2. Be Direct
When tackling a tough conversation, get to the point quickly and directly. Now is not the time for a praise sandwich but an honest and straightforward approach. Don’t muddle the message with excessive praise and make sure to stick to the points identified.
3. Be Empathetic
Empathy is a powerful tool to use in these situations. Everyone can relate in some way or another to having a difficult conversation in the workplace, and acknowledging this during the meeting does not diminish the message, but instead can build trust between both parties. If they are struggling, allow them time to collect their thoughts. If emotion gets the better of them and tears start to flow, offer a tissue and time to breathe instead of judgement. Remind them that the purpose of the meeting is actually to offer them support.
4. The power of listening
There is untold power in listening. In a tough situation, being an active listener can build a relationship built on respect; however it is sometimes easier said than done. Think of listening as a type of meditation: clear your mind, turn off your phone and remove distractions. When planning to have a difficult conversation, perhaps book a neutral meeting space such as the meeting room, instead of the work office. If there is nowhere else to go, then make sure the computer screen is off and focus fully on the other person. Active listening ensures the other person feels heard, and that in turn leads to the feeling of being treated with respect.
5. Questioning
The likelihood of seeing eye to eye in these conversations is slim, so switch the goal to one of shared understanding. Expect and allow for extra questioning, as this creates clarity all round by ensuring both parties fully understand the issue being discussed.
6. Keep emotions at bay
For the person instigating the meeting, it is important to keep emotions in check to allow for a controlled, honest and fair conversation. However, for the other person involved there may be an emotional response. When emotions start to take over, take a deep breath and remind yourself that the more you are in control of your emotions, the better the message will be delivered and received.
7. Provide a solution
There is nothing so demotivating as receiving a critique, and so to ensure a successful outcome, provide a solution that ideally comes from both parties. Have suggestions to hand and then work with the other person to create an outcome that is beneficial to both. Allowing both parties to have some control over the solution fosters the development of respect and allows the other person to take ownership over moving forward in a positive manner.
Difficult conversations are always going to be tough; however they don’t need to be destructive. With a proactive attitude and following these tips, you may find these conversations are the asset you didn’t know you were missing.
You can’t eliminate stress, but you can reduce it by setting realistic goals about what is wanted out of the meeting. Ask for a one-on-one conversation and give the other person advanced warning over the areas to be discussed. This allows them to prepare whilst also providing clear expectations for the meeting.
2. Be Direct
When tackling a tough conversation, get to the point quickly and directly. Now is not the time for a praise sandwich but an honest and straightforward approach. Don’t muddle the message with excessive praise and make sure to stick to the points identified.
3. Be Empathetic
Empathy is a powerful tool to use in these situations. Everyone can relate in some way or another to having a difficult conversation in the workplace, and acknowledging this during the meeting does not diminish the message, but instead can build trust between both parties. If they are struggling, allow them time to collect their thoughts. If emotion gets the better of them and tears start to flow, offer a tissue and time to breathe instead of judgement. Remind them that the purpose of the meeting is actually to offer them support.
4. The power of listening
There is untold power in listening. In a tough situation, being an active listener can build a relationship built on respect; however it is sometimes easier said than done. Think of listening as a type of meditation: clear your mind, turn off your phone and remove distractions. When planning to have a difficult conversation, perhaps book a neutral meeting space such as the meeting room, instead of the work office. If there is nowhere else to go, then make sure the computer screen is off and focus fully on the other person. Active listening ensures the other person feels heard, and that in turn leads to the feeling of being treated with respect.
5. Questioning
The likelihood of seeing eye to eye in these conversations is slim, so switch the goal to one of shared understanding. Expect and allow for extra questioning, as this creates clarity all round by ensuring both parties fully understand the issue being discussed.
6. Keep emotions at bay
For the person instigating the meeting, it is important to keep emotions in check to allow for a controlled, honest and fair conversation. However, for the other person involved there may be an emotional response. When emotions start to take over, take a deep breath and remind yourself that the more you are in control of your emotions, the better the message will be delivered and received.
7. Provide a solution
There is nothing so demotivating as receiving a critique, and so to ensure a successful outcome, provide a solution that ideally comes from both parties. Have suggestions to hand and then work with the other person to create an outcome that is beneficial to both. Allowing both parties to have some control over the solution fosters the development of respect and allows the other person to take ownership over moving forward in a positive manner.
Difficult conversations are always going to be tough; however they don’t need to be destructive. With a proactive attitude and following these tips, you may find these conversations are the asset you didn’t know you were missing.
author bio
Lucienne Miller
Lucie first came face to face with anxiety disorders in her teens. OCD became her closest friend until her early 30's, when she came across resilience and positive psychology. Then everything changed. She had found a way forward. From this turning point, Lucie regained control. She is now a mum of four, wife, business owner and eternal student. Finally she has discovered the strength in her stress.
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